Fuck the Fucking Fuckers
I’m having a go at stopping swearing.
Twice in recent history I’ve had absolutely appalled looks from people around me as I’ve conducted what I thought was a pretty standard to-the-point conversation with someone about whateverthefuck.
I like to be direct. I hate fannying about and prefer to speak honestly just to get stuff sorted. I’m not saying I’m not tactful, I know when to rein it in but in at least 60% of all conversations at work I’m thinking “Just cut through the bullshit and get to the point, I’ve got a fucking life to live here”.
Good old fletcher, doesn’t mince his words… I like to imagine people saying.
In fact, what’s actually been going on is that I’ve just been swearing at everyone.
“You used twelve fuckings and a bollockbag” Jenny told me once after I’d had what I thought was a pretty straightforward conversation with one of my team on a Sunday night.
Heck. I was asking him for a favour as well!
Yesterday, two fellas at work said “who was that?!” after I’d put the phone down to my peer in another department, my boss, the director of our department and a load on anonymous conference callers.
They informed me I had I’d been putting the navvys to shame in a passionate plea for more money to actually FIX a problem we’ve been having that requires investment. They thought I was dishing out a bollocking.
Oh dear.
My swearing is now utterly habitual. I’m a foul-mouthed bastard and I aim to change it.
Take cunt. CUNT! Seriously, I remember once a fella I know from Birmingham called me a cunt in passing as a joke, I was genuinely offended. Since then I’ve lived in London for six years where absolutely everyone calls each other a cunt. It’s outrageous, shocking. There’s nowhere left to go after that, except perhaps actually accusing someone of a sex-crime.
I’m not going to be flying around the place issuing “oh blimey”s and “cripes” instead because that makes no sense, I am going to use better vocabulary to properly express myself though. Like I USED TO.
Replacing a real swear with something that is less offensive but actually means the same thing is pointless. It’s there as a reaction for a feeling, just let it out! Vent!
When people on the TV say “the F word” it’s a total con. They can’t say “fuck” so they say “the f word” which means fuck and makes ME say “fuck” in my head but is still somehow, not their fault! None of that nonsense here.
When there’s a need for a BASTARD or a TWAT it’s gonna come out big time, but in everyday conversation, swearing has to go. Bingo.
I didn’t tell anyone about this because I didn’t want to turn it into a challenge but I arrived at work this morning, sat down and within 20 seconds I’d gone and used a FUCK talking about the petrol station. Cock.
10p per unintentional-swear into the pot at the moment and today I’ve done reet well. Just 60p in my swearpot.
